p-p-p-poker face

Tonight was poker night at Melissa’s roommate’s boyfriend’s apartment. Confused?? Me too.  And about way more than just the location of poker night.

The last time I joined this weekly poker night was 2 weeks ago, and was the first time I had ever REALLY played poker before. It’s a ten dollar buy in, so our chips are in 10 cent, 25 cent, and 50 cent denominations. We usually stick to Texas Hold ‘Em, but every once in a while people get fancy and I get confused and my chips mysteriously disappear. Hmmm.

Last week was a little rough. I was playing along, doing my own thing, losing lots of chips and winning none. (I had to keep my phone out with a web page of all the poker hands and their value up and easily accessible– this became necessary after I lost $3.75 because I figured two pairs beat three of a kind. Boy was I wrong; I think that was the easiest $3.75 Steve ever won in his life.) Anyways, I was steadily losing money when it got close to the time when I needed to be heading home.  It was my last hand, and I had NOTHING.  Like, a two and a nine in the pocket and garbage on the table (you like all that poker lingo?).  Completely ignorantly, I decided to go all in and leave with a bang.  I of course lost my remaining $3, and left Melissa’s roommate’s boyfriend’s apartment ten dollars poorer.  I did not realize that I could have cashed out my $3 instead of wasting it on a totally worthless hand, meaning I would 1. only lose $7 and 2. not look like a huge retard as I walked out the door– I can only imagine how hard the rest of the table laughed at me once I was gone as they fingered my (essentially free) poker chips.  I was banging my head against the window the whole metro ride home because, as most of my friends will tell you, I CAN’T STAND losing.

So tonight I was back and I was out for blood.  I had done a little online research in preparation, so I didn’t even have my web page open.   (Naturally, this meant that I totally did not know that having 5 cards of the same suit was worth anything, so instead of winning a whopping $4.25 on a hand, I folded.  Grrrr.)  My best hand was actually in a game of Chicago, where I had a full house on the river (3 aces and 2 nines…BITCH) but nobody would call me because I kind of started jumping up and down in excitement over my amazing hand.  I guess I need to work on my poker face.

So while I made some major improvements from last time, and won some pretty big pots, I was also very reluctant to fold (it’s a sign of weakness!).  So my chips never seemed to accumulate that fast.  Or at all, actually.  I refused to embarrass myself with a repeat of the previous poker night by “cashing out” (cough cough– going all in) and leaving early, so I played to the bitter end.  I will no doubt be exhausted tomorrow, but it is totally worth it because I somehow ended with TEN DOLLARS worth of chips!!!!!

The only problem is that the cost of entering the game was ten dollars too.  So I broke even.  Great.  Looking on the positive side, however, breaking even is significantly better than leaving with absolutely nothing, so I am actually very pleased with my performance tonight.  Besides, check out how cool all my chips look:




Just make sure you don’t look at my neighbor Teddy’s winnings:


errrrrr.... twenty-three dollars


I blame his gigantic pile of chips on the fact that he had the most beautiful eyelashes I have ever seen and could thus steal my money merely by looking at me and taking my focus off my cards and shifting it onto his aforementioned eyelashes.  I would KILL for Teddy’s eyelashes.

So anyways, I broke even on tonight’s game of poker.  I think with a little work on my poker face and a definition of a flush I could maybe win some money next week.  Regardless, it gives me a totally legitimate excuse to blast my favorite Lady Gaga song ever and pretend that someday I might actually be a successful poker player.


One Response

  1. Hi Jen!
    I’m hugely enjoying your blog!! I’ve never read one before, because I am a techo-dinosaur. Your writing is so fun and interesting. I’d like to hear more about your actual job, but maybe that doesn’t fit in with the theme of your blog. I just about passed out with envy over Vest. I am looking forward to reading about your unfolding life adventures and getting to know you better from your writing. You are a good writer, and funny! Let’s see some photos of your apartment, car, and of course you wearing Vest!
    Much love from your woag

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